One for the road?

The recent news that there may soon be a minimum price per unit of alcohol (in Scotland anyway) has got me thinking...

Britain as a whole,and not just Scotland, is getting drunker than ever, apparently, with a government "consultation" expected to reveal the shocking statistic that, compared with 20 years ago, there are 80 per cent more documentaries or news items showing a clip of a girl in a short skirt being sick on a bench while a lad with no shirt makes a noise like a werewolf as he's thrown into a police van.

But what really gets my back up is the increase in pompous and self righteous doctors who come on the radio or programmes like The One Show to give us supposed guidelines, telling us, "Those of us who think we're drinking moderately may still be at risk. For example if you have one glass of wine and then later in life have another, you are technically an alcoholic and AA is the only option open to you".

Then they say, "Of course there's no harm in drinking safely. I often enjoy an Italian wine with my evening meal, by opening the bottle and pouring it all into a bush. That way there's only a small risk to my liver, as long as I do it once a month as a treat."

Websites offering advice on safe drinking are full of top tips (like the ones found in Viz) like, "If you're thinking of having a lager please consult your doctor first." Or, "One way of cutting down consumption while still enjoying a wild girls' night out, is on alternate rounds instead of having a drink have a bowl of soup, or go canoeing."

On one particular website I looked at, It said that three pints of medium- strength beer, twice a week, can lead to "heart disease, liver disease, impotence and cancer." I didn't check but I expect it went on, "and a fourth pint will cause cat flu, plague, rust, feeling like a woman trapped inside a man's body, fascism and a tendency to suddenly turn inside-out in the morning." I don't know about you,but can you name a medium strength beer? I can't...

But I digress.The website also told me, "If you consume alcohol to feel good, or avoid feeling bad, your drinking could become problematic." So it's only safe to drink if it's to make yourself feel worse.I had a can of Kestrel Super Strength and instantly felt terrible.Not because of the alcohol,just because it is awful tasting lager.

As we all know, alcohol can cause havoc, so we shouldn't be flippant. You only have to look at the demise of poor Amy Winehouse, who presumably had three pints of bitter on a Sunday and then heavens above, three pints of Mild the following Friday.

Unfortunately the campaign against drunkenness doesn't seem to have learned from the "Just say no" anti-drugs campaign, which connects with hardly anyone as it insists drugs lead rapidly to disaster and aren't fun. But if they weren't fun there'd be no need to tell people not to take them, just as there's no need to tell people "Just say no" to sticking your bare arse into a nest of wasps because no one does it anyway because it's not fun.

But people do see drinking as fun and enjoyable and in the current economic climate,why should a person who chooses to relax with a glass of something stronger than coffee be penalised by an increase in price?

Sure excess drinking should be addressed but maybe the reasons why people drink to excess should be investigated first.

The complex job of getting young people away from drug addiction and alcoholism will still be done by charities, such as Mentor UK. But they have declared that the recent cuts in rehab clinics have made that almost impossible, saying that proposed cuts "could have devastating implications".

So we're left with doctors telling us not to drink sherry on two consecutive Christmases, and if Amy was still around she could have updated her song by singing, "They tried to make me go to rehab but they said, 'Piss off, we've shut'."